Scandle and Deception

No, I’m not talking politics.

It seems I’ve caused some confusion in bloger-sphere.  Now that’s not so unusual since I cause confusion and sometimes even chaos in person, but I feel the need to explain a few of these misunderstandings.

Although I may have mislead you to believe that my friend Jeannie, the pastry chef, is a mail-order-bride, that’s not exactly true.  Jeannie is a smart, witty Long Island girl who happens to have been born in Korea.  I know, what a let down.  Sorry.  I do however, think she needs her own blog called “Mail Order Bride”.  If you’d like to hear from Jeannie, let us know by leaving a comment.  I’ll talk her into the rest!

Apparently I’ve caused some to doubt the fact that I am a pastor’s wife.  I’m slightly hurt and a little insulted.  (Not really!)  Don’t you think I’d make a good pastor’s wife?  On second thought, don’t answer that!

Here’s the problem, the image of a pastor’s wife is sometimes confused with the image of my blue haired grammy.  Now I love blue haired grammy’s and hope I live long enough to sport a blue hairdo fully sculpted and suspended with Aquanet, but at the moment I’m only 30…something…I mean, (cough) 27.  Yes, 27 and that’s my final answer!

We all start off young, animated, and slightly insane.  That’s why we accept God’s challenge in the first place.  I want to let you in on a little secret…shhhh…come a little closer now.  Ok, you can be a God fearing, Bible reading, church going woman and still enjoy a good laugh.  Shocking!  I hear your gasps.

What’s more is that sometimes we really want to go shopping with you and then stop for a fancy coffee on the way home…not just listen to your problems and pray with you.  I guess I shouldn’t speak on the behalf of ALL pastor’s wives, but hey, my lips are loose this morning. 

A pastor’s wife is a real woman who gets angry, laughs, slams doors, oversleeps, prays for patience (not only with her kids, but with you too), argues with her husband (rarely), binges on chocolate (too often), and dreads shopping for a swimsuit.  Give her a break…she’s just like you!

Recently at a BBQ birthday event, the hostess pulled me aside and asked how I’d like to be introduced.  I looked at her inquisitively and said, “By My Name.” 

What a revolutionary idea.

Immediately she turned toward the crowd of curious friends, family, and neighbors and said, “This is the pastor’s wife.”

Talk about a fun deflator! 

You can imagine how people flocked toward me bearing gifts of hotdogs, coke, and chips.  They fought over the empty seat next to mine and delighted as my children engaged in play with their offspring.  NOT! 

After an intro like that, I feared I’d forgotten to use deodorant that morning.  Wearing a “PW” (pastor’s wife) on your lapel is much, much worse than a scarlet “A”.

So do your pastor’s wife a favor, use her name.  Remember she’s a person with feelings and to use a colloquialism, cut her some slack.

From my heart to yours,


18 thoughts on “Scandle and Deception

  1. sara's art house

    I loved this post. We have a pastor’s wife now who is so totally herself and admits to regular failing it is so refreshing! That seems to be how you are too. I think any pastor’s wife who tries to pull herself off as perfect is not helping anyone. Keep up the good work!

  2. Straight Shooter

    THAT was a fantastic post Girly!
    I have a Soul Sis that is a pastor’s wife and can vouche for everything you just said.
    I do not attend her church.
    I do not live in her town.
    I do not know her congregation.
    I know her only as my dear, dear Soul Sister.
    So she can be herself around me, and I can be my heathen self around her.
    I so hope you have a friend like that for escape…
    Do you darlin’?

  3. diana/sunshine

    what a great post. growing up in the church with parents heavily in ministry and friends with the pastors and i, now, in ministry, i know exactly what you’re talking about. it’s funny how people stereotype a pastor and his/her spouse.

    sad to say that some spouses do fit the stereotype. through your blog, i hope people come to realize how down to earth and fun-loving you are.

  4. Mama Belle

    Amen, sister.

    I can’t stand that stereotypical pastor’s wife image that is actually impossible to live up to.

    I’m not exactly a pastor’s wife, but a senior staff member (media director’s) wife and the new women’s director. My goal is just to always keep it real. People can see through facades and really just want to see someone who goes through the same things they go through.

    Glad you’re real.

  5. Mom

    Tricia, I may be a little prejudice—but I think you are one terrific person with a heart that loves God and a strong desire to serve Him. Over the years, I have befriended the lonely pastor’s wives and they truly blessed my heart. Keep you eyes on Him and keep laughing (and making us laugh)!!
    Love, Mom

  6. Stonefox

    Well I for one still want Jeannie to start a blog. You can tell her so. And about the pastor’s wife thingy-ma-jig, I know all about it and I am SO glad that you are typical, TRICIA! I was a pastor’s wife before becoming a missionary (yes, I am a missionary, not a missionary’s wife. In that regard, we get some slack!) Keep on being yourself, that is who God made you to be, not a label.

  7. Jeannie

    Hi, this is Tricia’s neighbor, Jeannie.

    Sorry for any confusion. It was just a cheesy joke. I’m not a mail order bride. I’m just a pastor’s kid with a strange sense of humor.

    When I got to Tricia’s house, she wanted to know why I wasn’t wearing a costume and I didn’t come up with a witty response until she snapped that picture of me. At that moment “mail order bride” popped into my head and I suggested that she should use that as a caption under my picture. oops….

  8. Janna Qualman

    Right on, girlie. God didn’t mean for pastors’ wives to be cookie-cutter likenesses, with piety and reservation and presumption and judgment against all that’s fun. Just as He chose your husband’s calling, He chose yours as the wife of a pastor, and every aspect of your personality fills that role as He planned them to. Great post!

  9. Nina

    I was 27 when I first became a pastors wife. With a church full of ladies old enough to me my Mom…boy was that intimidating!

    You said it right….pastor’s wives can laugh too!

    One family at the church my husband used to pastor would invite us over after church on Sunday nights to watch a game. They’d get me all ‘drunk’ on coffee and laugh their heads off at me. I’m convinced they were always trying to get me to “talk”….and talking is one thing I’m good at!

  10. Erin

    I’m wondering at the unnatural ratio of pastor’s wives out here blogging. Wondering what that speaks to?

    Oh, Oh, Oh, and the Bishop’s wife is on our viewing list for the upcoming season. Love that old movie. (New one sucks.)

  11. Ashley Perkins

    Oh that breaks my heart! I really cannot imagine a more difficult role. There is so much freedom in being comfortable with who God made us to be! How awesome you are there! I think about all the “roles” I have played and it is exhausting to wear all the different mask that society has trained us to wear.

    I would love for you to meet our pastor’s wife. She has red hair and has the personality to go with it! She has a heart for Him!

    I’ll be back!! 🙂 Ashley

  12. Mindy

    I find you all the more endearing as a pastor’s wife. I grew up friends with all the pk’s (pastor’s kids) and being part of such a family is a blessing. Your clean humor and awesome writing are all the more reason for me to check in with the Fringe Girl! ~Mindy

  13. Cher

    Sadly, is not available but I would like to see Jeannie write a blog. She sounds like a good time waiting to happen!

    The Texas Woman


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