Pooh’s Help In The Official Diagnosis

I’ve explained how I’ve engaged myself in a career of self-diagnosis; however, you may fail to recognize that my passion for diagnosis often spills onto unsuspecting friends, family, and at times the unwitting mall shopper.  Although this is an unpaid career, it is not unprofessional.

I do not divulge patients names, symptoms, or their official diagnosis…except maybe in a blog or two, but it’s not like I broadcast it on the 6 o’clock news or anything.  My secretary is a little behind in her paperwork and has not gotten to the patient’s bill of rights yet.

It is not with ambivalence that I diagnose, for you see, I genuinely care for my patients.  Can I call them patients?  Perhaps “victim” would be appropriate terminology.

Tonight I watched Winnie The Pooh’s Christmas and consequently come to you enlightened, vilified, and with yet another diagnosis.  This diagnosis is not inflicted on self…not this time.  This particular diagnosis is reserved for another whose name will remain unmentioned (for the season anyway…it is after all Christmas).

Patients or victims with this syndrome often present with high levels of negativity, a distinct absence of enthusiasm, and an unwillingness to attempt engaging in life if anything more than survival breaths are required.  These individuals usually rain on my parade.  Please excuse the colloquialism.  Often they zap every last ounce of energy from my being, leaving me sweaty and limp like a strand of forgotten spaghetti boiled to obliteration.

You see when I enter the presence of people wearing this syndrome like a cloak of gloom, I overcompensate for them.  This in itself is probably evidence of yet another personal disorder, but I’ll save that self-diagnosis for another time and another episode of Winnie The Pooh.

Today I am officially labeling those with the above stated symptoms as officially having Eeyore Syndrome.  After much “hullabaloo”, to use Pooh’s own word, Eeyore received an umbrella for Christmas.  Side note:  getting an umbrella is further evidence of this syndromes since he’s usually expecting that rain…even on non-parade days.  As Eeyore opened his umbrella he murmured, “And it even works.”

Put me on record saying that Eeyore, in all his pathetic bleakness, played a vital role in Pooh’s community.  I’m in no way discrediting his ever important place in life.  Without the Eeyore’s of this world, the Tiggers may bounce uncontrollably swirling the entire world into a giant funnel cloud of fun.  We wouldn’t want that to happen – too dangerous, too tiring, too risky, too blustery.

I merely bask in the knowledge that I’ve discovered a name for this syndrome.  I think Pooh has helped me understand this world a little better and I am forever grateful.

What about you?  Do you suffer from Eeyore Syndrome?  Come on admit it…


12 thoughts on “Pooh’s Help In The Official Diagnosis

  1. Steph

    You could do a whole post on all the personalities on Pooh.

    What does it say about me if I’m usually Tigger, but occasionally Rabbit (who gets really annoyed with Tigger)?

  2. Mel

    I love this post because I love Winnie The Pooh, no matter the trials of life I can watch pooh with my kids and smile. I am at this moment an Eyeore though trying not to be, actually maybe more like Oscar the Grouch (yes I know another series) but normally I am kinda like a combo of Pooh and Piglet.

  3. robinaltman

    I love this diagnosis! May I use it, or have you patented it? I’m more tiggerish, but so neurotic, that I’m probably a Piglet.

  4. sara's art house

    You are hilarious! I have a syndrome that is a little crazier than that- mine is a Pooh-Eeyore-tigger-piglet syndrome. A very schizophrenic, ditzy, overeating, optimistic, but also pessimistic person…..

    I need help, Doctor!

  5. Janna Qualman

    Ha! I love it! Great post.

    I knew a true Eeyore. She made our family’s life miserable (legally, even), but we were blessed in the outcome. I’m so so glad to say we’re now Eeyore free.

  6. David

    Yeah, Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh is funny. My favorite line is, “Not much of a tail for not much of a donkey.” (You have to say it real slow, like you’re half asleep and put kind of a “sigh” into it.)

    But in real life, Eeyore types aren’t all that funny. In fact, they can really be a drag sometimes. If you’re not careful, they can steal your energy and chip away at your enthusiasm. I have one Eeyore-like personality to deal with at work and sometimes he drives me crazy.

    By the way, I love Winnie the Pooh! Just thinking about him, I’ll probably have the song, “I’m Just a Little Black Rain Cloud” in my head the rest of the day. THANKS! 🙂

  7. Cher

    Ya gotta feel sorry for those kind of people. Just think of all they’re missing! I’ll keep being Tigger, thank you very much!

    The Texas Woman

  8. Carin

    I am certainly NOT an Eeyore. I am just a bit below Tigger, just a smidge. You made me think of Randy Pausch with your thoughts. Isn’t it interesting how an Eeyore can pull you down and a Tigger can bring you up. I’m glad we have them all in this world though, it would be borring if we were all the same.


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