Confessions of a Cavity Phobic Mom

I hate to be constantly confessing on my blog, but our church doesn’t have a confessional and even if it did, FringeMan would be hearing my woes twice over.  So you get to hear my junk.

Consider yourselves special.

Hat Chick asked me if I whitened my teeth.  I’ll tell you that my choppers could stand some whitening.  I brought home a full gallon of white paint and I’ve been brushing everything this week except for my teeth.  I attempted those Crest White Strips last winter; however, my teeth are sensitive and after two days I was popping Tylenol to counteract the pain caused by those funny little strips.

Not only did those strips cause pain, but they also made me talk with such a lisp and slur that I sounded intoxicated for the full twenty minutes they were bleaching my teeth.  About two minutes after application, my phone would ring.  This happened everyday without fail.  Before my mother-in-law signed me up for AA, I made peace with my stained teeth.

No whitening for me.

Thursday afternoon I went to the dentist for the first time in (here comes the confession) TWELVE years.  I heard your gasps!

I’m sorry, but I never meant for that to happen.  I bring my children to the dentist, but have personally opted out of drills, pain, and dental bills.

I’ve had a cavity since I was pregnant with FringeKid and every once in a while (after I eat a bag of M&M’s) it bothers me.  I finally mustered up the courage to go get my teeth cleaned, x-rayed, and my cavities filled.  I hung my head in shame when my dentist asked how long it had been since I’ve seen a dentist.  Let’s just say my x-rays were not computerized last time.  In fact, my previous dentist still used a hammer and chisel.

Her head swiveled faster than her stool when I said *12* years.  I also self-diagnosed two cavities, but she talked me out of one.  After perusing my mouth with a pick, she commended me for my meticulous brushing and lack of plaque.  She even admitted that I didn’t really need to come every six months since my choppers were in such good shape , and she offered to fill my cavity on the spot.  Secretly I think she didn’t trust me to come back and have it filled.

For the record, this was my first-ever cavity.


(Image courtesy of

All was going splendidly until she asked me if I wanted novocaine before she began drilling.  Why do doctors ask me this question?  Do I look like I take pain well?  I don’t.  I’m a whiner and complainer.  That should be highlighted in my medical records.

Unfortunately she’s not the first to ask that type of question.  I once endured stitches without any numbing medication.  I really need someone to attend doctor’s visits with me and stand up for my right to be medicated.

Halfway through drilling, she asked if I was still ok or if I wanted a shot.  Since she was ticked off at an emergency that had just walked though the door at quarter till five, and since she had my son waiting in the next chair to have his teeth worked on, and since she was nine months pregnant and extremely hormonal, and since I had a water drip and vacuum in my mouth, I just nodded to ensure I was ok.

I’m now broke and have one amalgam filling that I’m sure will cause me mercury poisoning and early onset Alzheimer’s.  I’ll have a great set of teeth and no marbles.  That’s just the way my life works.

I’ll be sure to wait another twelve years before going back to the dentist.


28 thoughts on “Confessions of a Cavity Phobic Mom

  1. Thomas

    Wow, my image of the dentist sure looks good on your site. It’s nice to see it is being put to use in context. If you would like to see it on merchandise, like shirts, caps, mugs and such, go to the above site and click on the original image. This will take you to my store at Zazzle.

  2. Janet

    Loved your post. I hate going to the dentist, though I regularly go every 6 months for a checkup. I think I have more fillings in my mouth than teeth. One of my sons did not take after me (thank goodness) and he has wonderful teeth, I think only one small filling in his entire mouth. I once had to have a tooth extracted that was underneath a crown, my dentist referred me to an oral surgeon (that should have been a clue that it wasn’t going to be an easy pull) He said, ‘oh you wont need to be put to sleep for it, he’ll just numb you.’ Almost everyone else in the office that day were going to be put under (that should have been another clue). I thought I was going to die in the dentist’s chair. He had the hardest time getting it out, my gums burnt like fire, I sat there praying the whole time. Needless to say, if that happens again, I’m going to be put under. I can’t believe it had been so long since you went to the dentist, you are so lucky to have good teeth!

  3. elizabeth channel

    That’s all terribly funny! (But seriously you must be a great flosser to go that long without going to the dentist. I’m obsessed with flossing and all things dental so I know!)

    Yipee for you it’s over ; )

  4. Dee

    I work in Consumer Care for Crest and noticed this post on your blog. I use Crest Whitestrips and can imagine how frustrating this would be. What you described is unusual since our products are thoroughly evaluated to be safe when used as directed. I know our consumer care line would like to hear more about your experience. When you have a minute, I hope you’ll call us at 1-866-587-2338. Thanks, Dee.

  5. Hat Chick

    I could write an entire thesis on dentists and my disdain for them all. My teeth are horrible – and yes I brush, floss and mouthwash. I just have bad teeth. That’s why I’m so jealous of yours!!!!

  6. Crystal Sparks

    I think there is something about a mommy that we now put all of our health on the back burner. We buy kids new clothes when we haven’t had new underwear in God only knows how long, we take our kids for all of their checkups, but have missed ours for years. I am in the same boat as you. I have to keep telling myself that I must take care of myself and be good about going to the doctor and such! I too had a cavity a few months ago and it broke my heart! I thought I had done so well in keeping the plaque away!!


  7. caprik

    Honey used some Rembrandt whitener last month and he said the pain was considerable. I WON’T be trying that anytime soon!
    I have been putting off a crown for about 2 years now. But I am thinking about going, as the dentist mentioned last visit that if the tooth broke, it would be “catastrophic”. Don’t like the sound of THAT!

  8. Erin

    You, my dear, are so very funny. But 12 years and only one cavity. I’m green. Thankful my teeth aren’t, but I am.

    And all that whitening stuff makes me shudder to imagine what the health fall-out might be 12 years from now. All of those chemicals on the teeth can’t be healthy, although I dream of white teeth. (insert sipping coffee here)

  9. Mom

    Like Mother like daughter—it’s been 12 years for me too and I hate the novocaine! I only had a few cavities throughout my earlier years and that was due to stress and grinding my teeth.

  10. Jen R

    You must have strong teeth! I am jealous! I look at a piece of candy and I need 3 fillings! and I am a flosser, brusher-flouride rinser you lucky girl!
    Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.

  11. Jen R

    You must have strong teeth! I am jealous! I look at a piece of candy and I need 3 fillings! and I am a flosser, brusher-flouride rinser you lucky girl!

  12. robinaltman

    That post cracked me up! I can’t believe you only had 1 cavity! I’ll bet that dentist went home and told your story at the dinner table.

    I make so much plaque, it’s ridiculous! I get my teeth cleaned every 4 months. How’s that for torture?

  13. Debbie York

    Does Cher want you to hand down your teeth or the fact they are so healthy? I just pictured Mindy’s grandma’s teeth and got tickled thinking of the reading of the will!
    I truly despise going to the dentist…goes back to when I was a kid and dentists were, well let’s just say less than gentle. I always seem to end up in the chair of the one from Little Shop Of Horrors! Debbie

  14. Cher

    You’ve got great teeth and they’re great looking too. Another reason to be jealous of you! Hope you handed them down to the kiddos.

    The Texas Woman

  15. Mel

    I laughed through your whole post because well i don’t do pain ever, that is why they have pain killers and i don’t do dentists, they are scary…even thinking about the dentist gives me hives, so now i am itching after reading this 🙂

    WTG on the only one cavity

  16. SYDNEY

    Don’t kill me for saying this, but I think it’s NOT asking for the novocane that makes you visit so infrequently. Though this is your first cavity, so it’s not really applicable, but for the future…

    I learned a little secret to avoid the intense pains when whitening your teeth in case you want to try again. The dentist sells or can give you a prescription for a past of floride. If you brush with it each night and leave it in (it’s not foamy so there’s nothing to spit out really) for the two weeks before you start the strips –or the gel in the molds they can make at the dentist of your teeth– and then continue using it thru the whitening, it will drastically reduce that lightening -like pain shooting thru your teeth. I also would wait a day between when I felt those pains. It will also make you far less sensitive to cold and hot. And you won’t feel like passing out when you breathe in just from the sensation of air passing over your teeth.

    Sounds like you have an enviable set o’ Fringechops though!

  17. Nikki

    I’m laughing here because I have you beat…It’s been at least 15 years for me. I actually had 2 temporary crowns put in…they were supposed to be taken out and done with permanent crowns within 6 months. 15 years later one of those “temporary” crowns are still in…the other fell out and took a chunk of tooth with it…but hey it doesn’t hurt and it’s in the back of my mouth where nobody can see it…so it’s all good! I even still have my wisdom teeth. Suffice it to say that Dentists scare the living hell out of me and I avoid them like the plague! I’ll go back to the dentist the day I can’t eat chocolate or drink a coke. YIKES I hope I didn’t just jinx myself!

  18. danijoy

    I am due for a visit too. Money has kept me out of the dentist chair because the last time I went last year they said I had two cavities and needed graphs done on my gums!!! Costing a wopping 1000€. I have been waiting and waiting.
    Well, I am sure you don´t want to hear everyone elses mouth problems. jeje..
    I just found this very humorous.
    Great job taking care of those chompers!

  19. Mindy

    I had so much work done on my mouth as a kid, that it’s not even funny. I currently have 23 teeth in my mouth. I should have 24, we are waiting for the post to “set” for my implant. I have a tiny little mouth and no where for all the teeth that wanted to call my mouth home. Braces twice, because the teeth wanted to keep moving! Yes. I wore my retainer. I sleep with a guard at night, due to grinding. Heck, my teeth may have cost more than my bachelor’s degree! But, in spite of all that trauma, I still go every 6 months. At this point, it is an investment. I have to take care of what I’ve got! And when they offer drugs, gas, hand holding, I take it all. Thank you very much. ~Mindy

  20. Kristina

    I HATE the dentist. I mean, I actually like MY dentist, but I hate going, and I usually only go when I have tooth pain. I know I have a cavity right now, because when I eat something sweet, it hurts.

    I’ve never had a root canal, but my mouth is full of metal!!

  21. Pingback: Topics about Recycle » Confessions of a Cavity Phobic Mom

  22. David

    Wow, you must be blessed with incredible teeth if this was your first-ever cavity. ESPECIALLY after going twelve years without seeing a dentist! Thanks for the smiles! My smiles, I mean.. That is, I’m smiling from reading your post. Actually, now that I think about it, thank you for your smiles too. I do appreciate a nice smile, but I suppose that’s obvious if you have seen my pictures of Mindy. Where am I going with this? I have no idea. I’m just talking and I can’t shut up!

    I’m glad you like the blanket from my giveaway. Have a fantastic weekend!

  23. tckk

    I hate going to the dentist!!!! I have an appointment next week for a cleaning and I keep trying to come up with a reason to cancel it. Did I say, I hate hate hate going to the dentist!!!!!!!!!!

  24. Janna Qualman

    Wow, the dentist in that picture scares me for more than one reason. Yipes!

    Congrats on just one cavity! I never had any until after I married, so naturally, I blame my (not-so-) sweet husband. 😉


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