Dear Mr. President…

Dear Mr. President:

As a result of the economic turbulence in our great country, the FringeFamily is experiencing a minor financial crisis.  We have drastically cut corners, reducing the amount of outgoing monthly funds.  We are recycling everything from cotton-balls to paper lunch bags and there is much in between, namely underwear which can only be reused so many times before a public health hazard occurs.  Since the Swine Flu epidemic continues, it would be in the best interest of our country not to create anymore public health risks.

Unlike General Motors, we are not petitioning our government for 30 Billion dollars in aide; however, we are asking for a mere three thousand dollars. What the FringeFamily needs is not a personal stake in a car manufacturer, but cold cash.  In fact freshly printed warm cash would work just fine.

Since our government is getting more like McDonald’s everyday, serving billions and billions, such a small request should be granted with the same service and smile we receive at the Golden Arches.  Understand that we make this request not for personal gain, but for the well-being of our children.  They’ve been reduced to eating peanut butter sandwiches, risking not only food poisoning, but possible childhood obesity.  This three thousand dollars will keep the FringeKids in hot lunches and their parents, who have repeatedly watched “Fun With Dick & Jane“, out of jail for theft.

Thank you for this small personal bailout.  It is merely the crumbs or loose change found in the back seat of GM’s cars.  Remember, you will not only be affecting a family, but a community, a state, and a nation.

With much respect and anticipation,

The FringeFamily


Readers:  Don’t take this letter too seriously.  My kids are not on the brink of starvation and Fringeman and I promise not to rob any banks.  PROMISE!

20 thoughts on “Dear Mr. President…

  1. Cher

    My mother used to rinse out paper towels and hang them out to dry so she could use them again. They were a new product and she just couldn’t get used to the waste of it all. hmmm…guess I’ll start doing that myself.

    It sure didn’t pay off to be financially responsible all my life. I get no bailouts! I should have lived it up a little more!

    The Texas Woman

  2. Lois Lane II

    I totally understand. Superman is on his last few days at his job — he’s starting a new business venture in July, and we’re both fairly terrified. BUT we feel this is the best thing to do…even though we’ll probably be eating Ramen noodles forever and ever. 😉 Maybe the prez. can drop us a couple of thousand dollars while he’s handing it out. I mean, $2,000 would just be a drop in the bucket…pocket change, really…

  3. caprik

    Government serving billions and billions-LOL!
    We are participationg in the Ford Family Fiasco Budget. Our children are getting used to the phrase, “because it’s cheaper”.

  4. David

    With postage being 44 cents now, I’m not sure I can afford to send a letter to the President. Besides… what I’d like to say to him would probably just get me arrested. And then I would be the one needing a bail out!

  5. Debbie York

    You get a smile at the Golden Arches? What are you doing…tipping? Stop that! We are in a recession!
    Listen, when you get your check would you tell them you have a chubby friend in Texas who will accept a GM vehicle in lieu of cash? I figure they have to unload ’em somewhere, so why not me!
    While you are waiting, give your kids mustard and lettuce sandwiches…taste just like ham! That’s what my mother would do when times were lean.

    1. Mom

      Oh Debbie,
      I had just mustard sandwiches sprinkled with a little sugar! The lettuce would have been nice.

  6. Amber

    sorry to hear about the troubles. 😦 It is hard being in a time when God provides the things we need but not what we want. I’ve been in situations where I’ve had to live really bare like that and I hated it. 😐

    1. thedomesticfringe Post author

      Don’t feel badly for me. I’m just joking. I’ve got way more than I need…more pounds to lose, more laundry to do, more toilets to clean. 🙂

      1. Ashley

        That was great! I have even cut back on shampoo and am “No pooing” (google). My husband is really wishing I would stop smelling like a tossed salad! Kidding – it is not that bad.

        We really laughed!!! Loved it!

  7. Kara-Noel

    Ha!! Only multi million dollar companies and people who bought houses at the wrong time get bailouts in this country!!
    Just added your link to my skirt post and added it to a cute linky I have been involved in before called Making your home Sing Monday. Here is the link.
    You should add one! They are mostly about organizing the house but mine are usually silly 🙂


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