Last week I bought a case of Snapple iced tea and realized that I am an educationally changed woman. Snapple gives me something that all of academia could not. It gives me useless facts in serving sized portions.
I am wondering why I spent four years working my way through college and why I challenged my sanity by entering graduate school as a working mom of two. I was ill-informed before Snapple.
I don’t need higher education to do third grade homework and blog. I just need a few cases of Snapple. Sorry mom & dad. I could have saved you thousands if only I’d been enlightened sooner.
So now I will bequeath my new knowledge to you.
Did you know that frogs never drink?
More importantly, did you know they never drink and drive??
The speed limit in New York City was 8 mph in 1895. I didn’t even know they had speed limits in the 1800’s. I’m pretty sure they didn’t have anti-lock breaks or airbags.
Did you know that Texas is the only state that allows a person to vote from space? You just never know when you’re going to be cruising the milky way during an election year. Never underestimate the political prowess of a Texan.
The Statue of Liberty has 7 spikes, one for each continent. I took New York State history as a kid and I didn’t know that. Maybe my school should have issued bottles of Snapple instead of textbooks. We would have been well hydrated and ready for Jeopardy.
The children who attend New York City’s public schools represent 188 different countries. This is why my husband thinks I grew up in Sesame Street. I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Mr. Snuffleupagus.
Parents, listen up! Do yourselves a favor. Close the college funds and invest that money in Snapple stock. Start clipping coupons and buy in bulk.
Snapple, you can thank me later.
I wonder I’ll get a kickback for this post…a case of tea would be nice anyway.