With Age Comes Wisdom

Reality is an evil place to live.  There’s a reason why the majority of society lives in denial of something.  For me, it’s my age.

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It’s as if one day I was nineteen, thin, and knew the answer to all the world’s problems and then the next day…well, let’s just say I had to wear a fat outfit today, the kids I once babysat are now in college, and I’ve forgotten how to not only bring about world peace, but also how to mix Hillary Clinton with Donna Reed and get a perfectly successful, yet domesticated woman.

I’ve realized that I am aging and it’s been a shock to my system; however, with age comes wisdom or so they say.  So today I impart to you my newfound knowledge.

1.  Nail polish may not stay on nails, but it can be used to complete practically any school project.  It’s worked on everything from wooden box cars to turkey feathers, mainly because school projects don’t spend much time in Palmolive.

2.  If you eat chocolate until your blood begins to darken and you find yourself smelling like Nestle’s when you sweat, You Will Gain Weight.

3.  Never yell at your daughter.  She will always take it to heart.  This includes when she wakes you up out of a deep sleep to tell you that she needs to make turkey feathers for school tomorrow.  This includes when you tell her to give you five minutes to wake up and you’ll help her and she comes back after 35 seconds giving you a million reasons why you don’t know how to make turkey feathers.  This includes when after you’ve spent an hour gluing beans, pasta, candy wrapper foils, and little pieces of fabric to cardstock feathers, you find out the dang turkey isn’t due for TWO MORE WEEKS!

4.  Unless you plan on loosing your dog, selling your children, and locking your husband out of the house, don’t ever expect it to stay clean for more than two full minutes.

5.  Buy stock in silverware and socks, they constantly disappear.

6.  Our parents shouldn’t have told us that life is hard, they should have told us that life is not cheap.  Children drain you of every last cent.

7.  Kosher salt is like a lifeline to a hormonal woman.  I love it.  I’m not sure why this should surprise me since I am a huge fan of bagels, but it does.  I’m just sad I waited so long to try it.

8.  The quest to cover your gray hair will be more challenging than trying to cover your tracks when you were fifteen and didn’t want to be grounded.

9.    When you find yourself relating to Maxine cartoons, it’s probably time to stop fighting the progress of nature and just start clipping Depends coupons.

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10.  God is always faithful.  No joke.

What have you learned with time?

Notice I didn’t say age?

I don’t like to make you mad at me.  I’m a pleaser by nature.

By the way, I’ve added a ‘Reviews’ page to my header, because sometimes people actually ask for my opinion.

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14 thoughts on “With Age Comes Wisdom

  1. caprik

    Don’t wait until the morning to pump your gas.

    Hope floats

    Don’t try and talk yourself out of something that God tells you to do. You’ll miss a blessing.

    Reply
  2. robinaltman

    I love the turkey feather story! We must be related somewhere back in history. My kids definitely have the turkey feather genes.

    I’ve learned that Maalox is really really good stuff. It can be baked in pies, used as frosting, and mixed with tomatoes for a delectable spaghetti sauce.

    Reply
  3. Janna Qualman

    You’re not old, FG, but you sure are wise.

    This post, along with its humor and frustrated moments (midnight turkey feathers, anyone?), gave me a ping of warm fuzzies. Because this is life. And I feel so blessed to live mine much the same way. You know?

    Reply
  4. nannykim

    I have learned that there is a beauty at each age! I have just recently been really feeling this!! Kind of cool, ya know! As far as messes go , I forgot (yup really did) how messy kids can make a house in a few seconds!! When the grandkids visit it is like a tornado swept through.

    I have let the gray hairs come–trying to be me and natural 😉 (also dye really bothers me!).

    What is really shocking is when you and your friends kids start getting married….you find you all look like old geezers and you don’t feel like you are!!

    Reply
  5. Nina in Portugal

    As my kids smack homemade fried rice beside me…(Lots of left over rice in Portugal!) I am reminded of the importance of teaching table manners at a VERY early age…like 6 months maybe.

    Reply
  6. Mindy

    I have learned, with time, that what is important is that “I like me.” Once I got a hold of that concept, I had so much more time to do other things with my head! ~Mindy

    Reply
  7. Jill

    You’re so funny! I agree that nail polish fixes everything, and silverware and socks always disappear. But how on earth do you manage to keep your house clean for two whole minutes?!? I would kill for that kind of power!

    Reply

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