I need your help in a hurry! My reputation as the chef of impending doom depends upon you. My town is hosting a cookie baking contest and I must enter. How can I not?
It would not only be un-supportive if I didn’t bake a batch of cookies, but it would almost be un-patriotic; however, cookies are not my specialty. Shopping in bakeries is my specialty. I’ve been known to serve blackened cookies, heavy on the baking soda and light on flavor.
All my cookies aren’t bad. Some of them are descent, good enough for my kids, a church picnic, or a midnight snack, but we are talking about becoming the cookie queen of Nowhere, New York. I want to be crowned queen!
You are some of the best cooks and bakers out there. I’ve seen your pictures. I trust you.
PU-LEEEE-SE send me your favorite cookie recipe at your earliest possible convenience.
But, I need it by Monday. 🙂
This recipe you send me can’t be all that complicated. I don’t roll dough well and I have problems converting measurement. I’m a shoo-in! It’s no secret that math is not one of my better subjects. I realized that I would never be Albert Einstein when my high school math teacher told me to take the easiest math elective offered in college. There’s nothing like a vote of confidence laced with truth.
I waited to take that math elective until the summer between my junior and senior years in college. I came home and took college Algebra at my local community college and I squeaked by with an A+.
Thank you for your applause. I feel better getting that out of my system.
Just don’t ever ask me to help your kids with their homework. My daughter still uses both her fingers and toes and sometimes mine, a perfectly acceptable alternative to the calculator.
Now back to baking…
I have the feeling these women in my town have at least 150 years more cookie baking experience than I, so I won’t hide the fact that I’m a little nervous. My chances of winning are almost as good as my chances of Santa bringing me a new kitchen floor.
You will receive full credit if I win, but all the stars will need to align in order for that to happen.
I’ll wear my lucky socks and pray for mercy, grace, and pity.
Oh, one more thing.
For the love of all things Holly & Jolly, why did Shakira wear that ugly black outfit in Rockefeller Center Wednesday night when she sang Santa Baby?
Her jacket looked like a throwback to the 80’s. She even had the sprayed hair shellacked to one side. What she needed was floor length sequenced gown and a hairdo like this…
But nobody consults FringeGirl before airing the lighting of tree in Rockefeller Center.