Calling All Slobs

I usually don’t get addicted to television shows.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate mindless entertainment, because I enjoy brain stagnation as much as the next person; however, I cannot be bothered keeping track of network schedules.

I can’t keep track of when to send cupcakes to school.  I can’t keep track of when to return my library books.  I can’t keep track of when it’s my turn to work in the church nursery.  I can’t keep track of how much laundry detergent I have left.  I can’t keep track of TV shows.

It’s like a theme in my life.

I either need a calendar or a brain transplant.

Because of my haphazard scheduling, I tend to watch shows that don’t continue plots from week to week.  Let’s face it, as my luck would have it, I’ll never flip the TV on at exactly the right time to catch a story continuation.  I need a show that’s done in an hour.  My attention span is done in an hour.

Lately I’ve been loving Dr. Oz, because it feeds my internal desire to self-diagnose and  pretend that I’m an M.D.; however, there’s another show that always seems to be playing late at night when I settle into my chair with a blanket and the remote-control.

It is clean House.  The local garbage dump is cleaner than the houses these people occupy.  I am convinced that some of these homes must be staged.  Can anyone actually live in a house that requires walking on top of two feet of trash?  I saw a bathroom that made McDonald’s restrooms look sterile.

My reasons for watching this program are mixed.  I’d like to think that I enjoy witnessing people getting a second chance at their lives.  I’m encouraged when men and women are given hope for their futures, furniture for their bedrooms and a new toilet seat for their butts.

The flip side is that these slobs make me feel good about myself.  As disorganized as I can be, I look like a cross between Martha Stewart and Mr. Clean compared to this show’s celebrities.  Just imagine a bald-headed man with a hoop earring wearing an apron and hot glueing glitter on candles.  That’s me.

Despite my arguments that these homes must be prepped for disaster, FringeMan disagrees.  He truly believes people can be filthy pigs.  See why we wed?  I want to see the best in people and he isolates them into a world of roach infested kitchens.  It’s all about balance.

My point is…I know you’re begging for a point…that this week, all across blogland, there were home tours filled with trees, glittering decorations, and wreaths that would make Martha green with envy.  My only problem is that just about every house was perfect.  Do people live in these houses, or are they locked in the basement until after the holidays?

Because in my house, you can’t guarantee the ornaments won’t be re-arranged at least 200 times.  For three days baby Jesus was lost from my nativity scene.  I found him wrapped in tissue paper and lying in a gift box.  I lost my daughter in church the week before last and panicked when I saw her standing near the manger playing with the wise men.  Imagine if the church’s creche lost a shepherd or worse, Mary and Joseph!

All I’m saying is that one minute my mantle looks like this…

and the next…

We are in an inter-galaxy battle.

Despite cleaning, rearranging furniture, and even collecting pine cones for a bowl, I still have blankets and books littering the furniture.

How did everybody’s houses get so perfect?

Where have all the slobs gone??

Here’s my real question:  Do you live in your entire house or do you keep a ‘perfect’ room just for company?


26 thoughts on “Calling All Slobs

  1. mike

    I don’t know anyone who has a perfect room, it might look nice when you come over, but when they aren’t expecting company it’s just as relaxed as most people’s houses.

  2. Eileen

    aaah, Clean Sweep! It’s hard to believe people can function in such a mess, but I love to see their space all cleaned up, too! I always hope they can maintain it…
    I kinda like a little mess…just a little. And books and papers ~ it scares me when I don’t see books and papers in someones home. There was a time when I thought the Dust Buster was the greatest invention ever! Now, I think it’s the Pledge Fabric Sweeper! If I can remember where I put it… Obviously, no perfect rooms in my home!

  3. caprik

    There are NO perfect rooms over here! Those pictures are the result of creative staging!

    I have not seen your show, but Honey made me watch one called Hoarders that sounds about as horrific. He said my face was a permanent EWWWW mask for the entire show!

    I try to keep it picked up, all the clutter is what makes it look messy. I am Capri Kel and I have a paper problem. If I put it away, I forget about it.


    I love that show! I don’t make a point of watching it but if I happen to be flipping channels and come across it, I can’t tear myself away. Did you see the one where the owner’s daughter stormed off during the show then the owner got so mad that she didn’t even show up for the final reveal? Talk about drama!!

  5. Castal

    I refuse to have the perfect “sitting room” where no one actually is allowed to touch anything, much less sit on any of the furniture! (My grandmother had one of those, and my mother has one… except that you can’t sit in it because it is filled with piles of boxes/stuff)

    Instead my house ranges from disaster area (three mid-twenties people all trying to get crafts, work, classes, and life to mesh) to good enough for company, to sparkling clean for when grandparents come to visit.

    My house is rarely spotless, but it is livable and clean and fairly well picked up depending on how close to finals and Christmas it is. Right now there is wrapping paper, an assortment of class books and notes, baking supplies, and computer parts all strewn about in nice neat little piles.

    What ever am I going to do if we have to move again… I will have to reorganize the piles! create new ones! maybe even *gasp!* eliminate the piles altogether!

  6. jennifer

    Present! A slob, checking in.

    The show Hoarders freaks me out. I look at the problems people have with accumulating things and then my craft supplies start wigging me out. It seems that I am a crafting hoarder.

    Have a great day!

  7. Cathy

    Okay. I can prove my point above now. I took my pictures to post on the tour and then actually did the post and then I happened to click on one of the pictures and it enlarged it and all of a sudden I could see a spider sitting above one of my light up buildings. Then I clicked on another picture or two and there were cobwebs on them. Now they looked beautiful as small pictures, but not enlarged. So what did I do? I deleted them and went in and dusted away the cobwebs and took new pictures. I think they still look a little dusty, but at least the pet spider is gone. lol

  8. Jen

    Ha! It’s called creative photography – a step forward, a swoosh with the foot sideways to kick something out of the way, the zoooomm in just enough to cut the pile of whatever out of the photo. It’s good to know that well, I’m not the worst; and good to know there is room for improvement. For me it’s the boys in general – they tend to just be messy! And that endless flow of paper into the house – isn’t the sheer amount of it crazy?! [Thanks for your comment encouragement on my Revamp Lamp post!]

  9. Jill

    There are no perfect rooms. Even if I managed to keep my own things picked up, I live with six males. I am doomed. The only way I can have people over is if we have a huge amount of people so no one can actually see the house we’re in. That would be why we’re having a church-wide Christmas party at our house on Friday. Everyone’s going to have to come in at the same time so the house is full and no one can notice the dirt.

  10. Amber

    Girlie, I am the same way. I never return books or movies on time it seems. And my house is usually such a disaster. Maybe these people have merry maids once a week? Maybe they enjoy cleaning. I have friends who enjoy this kind of past time. I don’t understand it. I can think of about 20,302 things better to do with my time than clean. Which is probably why my house is always junky. Maybe they only clean the areas they take pics of like me. Speaking of clean-house have you ever seen the show Hoarders? Now that will scare you!!!!!! I feel so out of place because everyone always says did you see the new NCIS or PBEI or the new ENTOURAGE or the new WHATEVER THE SHOWS ARE. I never watch tv and when I finally do sit down to watch it I don’t know what to watch so like you I turned to HGTV, food network, movie channels, A&E, and sometimes bravo. Yet I don’t feel out of place with FringeGirl because she is like me!!! 😉

  11. ALVN of WhisperWood Cottage & Junkologie

    We never have company, so no problem there. (TIPS: live far enough from family that it’s too long of a drive, maintain a perception amongst friends that driving to your house takes a long time, never invite anyone over. If all else fails, move and don’t leave a forwarding address.)

    As far as being clean…ha! For photos, I clean up areas I am shooting and only shoot from angles that avoid any messiness. I figure everyone already has messes, so they don’t want to see mine! 🙂 Don’t zoom in too closely on the photos, you will clearly see the dusty surfaces!! 🙂


  12. Janna Qualman

    We live in all of it, dogonit. Just when I’ve spent hours at work, just when I think it’s perfect, someone comes along livin’ and ruins it.

    I can’t keep track of tv scheduling, either. My kids are at an age, and my stage of life are such that it’s impossible. Too much multi-tasking, too little brain sharpness, and not enough shows that make me NEED to sit down and catch their hour. (Castle is the one and only exception.)

  13. Sarah@Clover Lane

    My Christmas tree was crooked from day 2 because my one year old yanked an ornament so hard. The ornaments are all on the top half because I can’t stand picking them up off the floor all day long…they are great toys, don’t you know?
    Loved this post. Sometimes photos make things look a lot better than they really are…I agree with that one.

  14. Cathy

    I’ve got my pictures taken and ready to post, but believe me my house is not perfect. I only take pictures of the parts I want to be seen. I’m sure that’s probably what a lot of them do too. I try to keep the livingroom halfway presentable, but never quite make it. But trust me, pictures can be very deceiving. I took my pictures with the lights mostly out (except for the Christmas lights). This helps hide what I don’t want seen. In fact, when I have company, I keep the lights low then too. lol

  15. Chrissy

    Oh yeah, what you NEEEEEED, is a DVR. You just program it to record the shows you want and it keeps them in there for you. Can you believe it? It’s exactly what you need. It’s Tricia perfect 🙂

  16. Chrissy

    Inter-galaxy as in intergalactic? Yeah, you are SO not a sci fi fan 🙂 And John is very correct. I happen to have a few of those disturbingly filthy people in my family. It really is that bad. I have a hoarder in my family. Have you ever seen a hoarder’s house? It’s a real mental issue. Usually, filthy people have no class. It seems to go hand in hand. I’m not talking about messy. I’m talking about filth. My house is like 1200 sq. ft. There is no extra room just for company, although my guest room usually tends to stay neat simply because we don’t use it, except for guests. But right now, all the wrapped Cmas presents are in there, so it looks a little disasterous.

  17. Merryheart

    Roaches? NO!!! Mess? Yes!!! There is usually room to walk without stepping on things, though the dogs don’t get this and frequently alter that reality by walking over a pile of papers that used to be in a box they flattened, knocking it into the path.

    I am neither happy with my mess, nor fearless as some, and am loathe to allow visitors unless we are quite old friends. However, we have been in a major cleanup effort to afford room for our tree, and maybe the possibility of eating at the dining table. So there is more room to walk than usual at present. I hope to keep improving and maintaining order. Pray for me!

  18. robinaltman

    Our main problem is books and paper. They are everywhere. Another problem is that I have no shame. When my friends come into a messy house, I couldn’t care less. If they care, they’re too nice to say anything. I guess that’s why they’re friends!

  19. Mindy

    Cher speaks! Isn’t it great to hear from her?

    My house is never neat. David loves me anyway. Life is good.

    I have a magnet on my fridge that says “Dull women have immaculate homes”. I am probably the most exciting, non-dull person in the world, if this is true. In fact, I wouldn’t doubt that David or any random member of my family has nominated me for that show. ~Mindy

  20. Debbie York

    I don’t know about everyone else…but I’m here and am waiting on a call back from the show! Haven’t you noticed, most only show the room from one angle…the rest of the room is covered in icicles and/or pizza boxes!
    I’m picturing you with the earring, but instead of an apron for some reason, I’m seeing a poncho!
    May the force be with you!

  21. red.neck Chic

    Look at that….you called me!!! LOLOL You say “slob”…I run your way!!!

    Always remember while perusing the future pictures of my house these words:

    All dirty, stinky, nasty teenage boy socks are pushed riiiiiiiiight past the camera lense…the dishes are making toppling-ish noises in the kitchen sink that NO WAY will I show you and i’m in my jammies i’ve had on all day with my hair sticking up on end because i just tripped over the batteries that were scattered about on my linoleum and landed in the dirty mop water from where i just cleaned up the cat puke (again) that was smack dab in the middle of the floor where i’m trying to take pictures.

    Oh, and I love Clean House! Why? ’cause I watch it and get happy for the family, then think, “oh my gosh, what if the resident teen wants to submit me to this show?!!?”

    I go wash the topplin’ tower of china…

    You are not alone in your inter-galaxy battle – I promise. LOL

    😉 Robelyn

  22. Jenn

    I have NO perfect room for ANYONE to see. My goal is to have home ready so anyone can pop in at any time. Yeah, okay, I’ll let you know if that happens anytime in the distant future!! 😉


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