When Pigs Flew

Well, I’ve just returned from a morning at the pig races.

I bet you’re already wishing you were me.

Despite the clumps of snow and three layers of calcium build-up on my car, I dressed for the occasion in an outfit probably more suited for a fashion forward office than a grade school.  I’m delusional to think I can keep my feet warm in heels and the hem of my pants dry; however, I have a hard time going into school looking like I’m chopping wood.  Now I can go to Wal-Mart with rats living in my hair, but I could not go to the library without at least a bit of make-up and descent outfit.  Maybe I’m afraid the women with glasses perched on the tips of their noses will give me a detention or something.  I have yet to sort out some of my quirks.  I only know that schools and libraries alike require proper speech, ironed clothes, and ‘fixed’ hair, whatever that means.

As much as school makes me primp and squirm, I find myself sitting at desks that I outgrew in the seventh grade more often than I’d like; however, today I enjoyed a special treat.  I’m no novice when it comes to pig races.  This is my second race in the last six months with my first being about a year ago.

I’ll refrain from name dropping, but some of you think you have the corner market on Redneck.  I’m here to tell you that you underestimate a New Yorker.

Four pigs squealed their way across a sheet of corrugated aluminum roofing sending the entire crowd of teachers, administrators, and parents into a curly tailed frenzy.  When the moderator announced the tie-dyed pig would fill in for pinky, the double race winner, there was a moment when the hushed, almost reverential whisper of “tie-dyed” rode a wave through the auditorium.  Even the camo pig slumped slightly.

Anxious piglets lined up at the broom handle, known to some as the starting line, and scurried as fast as their battery operated legs allowed.  The children’s cheers grew until the walls pulsated with applause.  Little hearts raced faster than pigs fly and finally a winner emerged.  The other’s shamed their colors, running them into the mud.

The morning’s excitement could only be satiated with a BLT, straight from the cafeteria and a Swine Flu H1N1 shot.

What’s on your agenda for the day?

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24 thoughts on “When Pigs Flew

  1. Pingback: I am Versatile…I Think That’s Good « the domestic fringe

  2. Charlotte Miller

    Please don’t take this the wrong way. I think your overall ideas are fine but you might want to put a little more thought into your next posts. I say this becuase it seems like your writing style has gone downhill a bit as opposed to your previous posts. – C.

    Reply
  3. red.neck Chic

    ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!! You GOTS to come down here to my neck o’ the woods… we don our FINEST just to go get all muddied up cheerin’ the 500lb piggies on!!! I for-see a field trip in your future young lady… but you have to be good and quit passin’ notes in class…

    LOLOLOL
    😉 robelyn

    Reply
  4. Hat Chick

    There are pig races about 4 blocks from us. I’ve never been, but the peeps have and say it’s lots of fun, but smelly. Sounds like you got the best of both worlds….all the excitement without the “fragrance”.

    Reply
  5. Patti Lacy

    You whisk me to fun places without me lifting a muscle (except my eyeball ones)!

    With a few oinks, I was carried back to Cowtown teaching days and the requisite January State Fair field trips. What I remember are the rabbits, soft and cuddly and casting doleful gazes on you as they cowered in the corner of their cages.

    I didn’t really like January…

    Reply
    1. thedomesticfringe Post author

      Jill, I’ll let you know when I have another pig race on my calendar. Maybe you can come along. 😉

      Reply
  6. Gabriela

    Man you live a charmed life. While you were having the time of your life at the elementary school pig races, I am sitting in my office, up to my eyeballs in “ennui” with reams of paper in legal briefs, legal opinions, and legal documents and I can’t even see the keyboard from the tears (yawning) that have welled up in my eyes.

    Reply
  7. Jenn

    Battery-operated legs? You mean, there weren’t live pigs?? What a disappointment!!!!!!!!

    Oh well, at least you got all gussied up!!!

    Reply

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