Reality of Pet Proportions

My dog is many things.

She is a pain in my rear – BIG pain.

She is a food thief.

She is a laundry lifter.

She is a mailman hater.

She is a butt sniffing, shoe biting, smelly beast.

She is a climb up into your lap and throw her arms around your neck for a kiss kind of dog.

But the thing that really bothers me…

The thing that requires intervention…

The thing that makes me scratch my head in wonder…

The thing I’m most ashamed to admit…

My dog is a HOARDER.

I didn’t think you would believe me, so I attempted to photograph her kennel, the ‘box’ as we call it; however, shame overwhelmed me.  I’d rather show you a picture of my son’s room on a bad day in the dark month of May.  I’d rather show you an up close and personal photograph of the backseat of my car in all it’s crushed cracker, mud laden, snow drifted glory.  I’m sad to think I’ve allowed a member of my family to get so out of control, become so compulsive, live in such disarray, but I’m obviously a mommy failure of pet proportions.

At this moment Oriana, the hoarder, has the remains of a full roll of toilet paper, a package of once unused coffee filters, a knit winter cap, two logs, one glove, and an assortment of unidentifiable objects that I presume are garbage. Oh, let us not forget the scarf that I wove on the loom that I made.  That’s in there too, but it is dead.

My Dog Is A Hoarder will air Tuesday’s at 9 p.m. on NBC, Eastern Standard Time.

See you then.

– The Enabler formerly known as FringeGirl

By the way, if any of you experience a moment of dim wit and decide to get a dog, please read ‘Family Planning & Adoption‘ FIRST.


24 thoughts on “Reality of Pet Proportions

  1. Pingback: Of Mice & Minimalism « the domestic fringe

  2. Sarah@Life in the Parsonage

    I love your writing, always have…and now, I love your hoarding dog…mostly because it doesn’t live with me and it makes me feel better to know there is another person out there being driven crazy by their dog.

    I wish there was a picture.

  3. Patti Lacy

    Oh, MYYYY! With a score of pets published in the annals of our familyi history, we have only had ONE hoarding incident–when Tissie, our dalmatian, was “with pup.” She collected all the fluffy and cuddly and rubbible materials in our house (blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, a squeaky toy with the “squeak” chewed out) and made a closet nest, which we allowed her to keep until the brood arrived.

    Wonderfully descriptive story. Oh, LOVE the picture of your little thief.


  4. red.neck Chic

    I am laughing SO HARD!!!!!!!!!! I can’t stop!!! When my son was little (still crawling) I thought for sure I was going to have to get him some sort of help… I found all of the things that you have mentioned (except for the scarf LOL) PLUS various other household items UNDER MY BED!!! Luckily we have outgrown that phase…. sort of…

    LOLOLOL Do YOU have my car keys that I lost a couple of days ago? Will you please go look in the hoarders kennel?

    Thank You…
    😉 robelyn

  5. Lisa

    I had a Great Dane that was a hoarder. The same as your dog, she would hoard the most insane objects. We would have to clean out her pen every month or so, just so she could fit into it:)

  6. Jenn

    Aaaaww!! Don’t pick on the puppy!!! She is so cute! And she loves you lots!! She is just appreciates everything she has!!!

  7. Debbie York

    Do you remember that one PSA about drugs and the boy tells his father “he learned it by watching him”? Just saying…FringePup seems very observant!
    P.S. sounds like she is preparing for a very long cold winter!

  8. Lois Lane II

    Oh my gosh, that is hilarious!!! I feel your pain. This morning I had to send a text to my next door neighbor, apologizing for my dog doing the “crazy” scream, which sounds like she’s being devoured. Apparently, she saw a cat near my neighbor’s door and raced over to it, while making those crazy screams. Oh, and did I mention as she was doing this on said neighbor’s doorstep, it was 6:45 a.m.??

  9. Lynn

    I was in line behind Sharron, following her from Talking Trash. Loved your blog and your charming take on life. Will be back soon! Have a super great day. 🙂

  10. sharron

    Followed Trashy over here.. she said you are a hoot and I must agree!!! I have enjoyed your last few posts and must go back and read some more!!
    I have a dog like that too..she gets it from me I think. .without the garbage part..I don’t save food.. I eat it haha!!
    Have a Blessed day!!


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