I rarely speak of fashion, because frankly, I’m not the one to pick out your wardrobe; however, if you’d like to go shopping, I will definitely give you my too big opinion and force you to try on hideous outfits that I’m sure will flatter your figure. It will be loads of fun and I’m available for consult…wait, let me check my schedule…any time.
Being awake before the birds is something I loathe. If you’ve been visiting the domestic fringe for any length of time, you know I’m not a morning person. It’s no use pretending otherwise, because if you ever call before 9am, I will utter gibberish and we’ll have to repeat the conversation later in the day. Today I was up before dawn. Thankfully no-one spoke to me.
In my pre-coffee, blurry eyed state, I realized that fashion was the topic of the day. Perhaps it’s because retailers are uncompromisingly hopeful that the freeze-misers will release their frigid grip from our land and the daffodils will once again bloom. I don’t know for sure.
Because I care about you, I want you to know that I’ve heard it rumored that pleated pants with tapered legs are on trend for Spring. (For my source, click here.) At best I follow trends loosely. If you looked into my closet, you’d be hard-pressed to find a style or even a decade. Let’s just say that I blur the lines between couture and thrift; however, I just finished teaching FringeMan how walk into a store, find a pair of flat-front pants and purchase them. It’s the only style advice he will now heed. Don’t tell him pleats are back and whatever you do, do not tell my legs tapered pants want me. They are perfectly comfortable lounging in a wide-leg denim. Thoughts of tapered legs automatically reduce blood supply to my feet and increase the size of my hips by six boxes of Twinkies.
I’ve also heard that there’s “a big new idea” in the fashion industry. It’s called, and I quote, “Modesty”. Who would have thunk it? What will we look at if women’s cleavage no longer captivates our eyes? (For my source, click here.)
That my friends concludes my chat on fashion. Anytime you want up-to-the-minute style advice, give me a call. I’d be happy to discuss your wardrobe as I sit in my sweatpants, fake fur-lined crocks, T-shirt from 1993, my sister-in-law’s cast-off red sweatshirt, and my Victoria Secret’s heavy bathrobe circa 1997.