Considering Adoption? Plan Your Family!

Ya, I know it’s a repeat, but it’s been a long time and I’m out of words tonight.  Shocking, huh?

What causes reasonable, relatively intelligent adults to desire the company of a four-legged beast?

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Perhaps my family experienced an emptiness that they attempted to fill with the love of an animal. Perhaps their need for physical affection was left unmet. Perhaps I should have licked their hands each morning and chewed on their bare toes.

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Maybe then they would have been satisfied with our family of four humans and our pet free, dander free, hair-ball free home.

Notice you can see into FringeMan’s sinus cavity. Let’s all be thankful it is not hay fever season.

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Maybe then I would have two whole slippers, one more shoe, 54 more dollars (money spent on paper towels), and 3 more pounds (weight lost mopping). Ok, I don’t want the pounds back!

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Oriana could be sleeping in a dirty alley and eating out of dumpsters; however, she’s sleeping on my couch and eating from my children’s plates. Fried eggs are a breakfast favorite.

What has happened to me?

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Pet adoption is not easy. In fact, leaving the hospital with a newborn in hand required less paperwork. The hospital didn’t even ask for references. They should have. Just ask the FringeKids…on second thought…

Home visits, doctor visits, vet visits…about the only thing this pup didn’t require was a 2 am feeding.

BUT, the middle of the night feeding was replaced with a pee-pee walk.

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If you are in the early stages of family planning or maybe you already have a small child or two, remember these simple steps. They will prepare you and those in your family for a four-legged addition.

1. Leave puddles of water in various locations throughout the house.

2. Put at least one slipper through the paper shredder.

3. After a long day at work, greet your spouse with a wet lick on his cheek.

4. Keep a bowl of dog food right in front of the coffee pot so your husband (or wife…equal opportunity) will step in it.

5. Place a foul smelling pile of rotten, steaming meat-loaf under the kitchen table. (this will represent poop) Now step in it with bare feet.

6. Have your child mop the floor 62 times in one day.

7. Set an alarm clock for 2 am and march the family through the backyard…preferably without a coat…whispering “hurry up and pee already!”

8. Bury your couch cushion in the dirt and retrieve it one week later. Return to couch. It will smell just right.

9. Throw up in your car.

10. Bark incessantly at every movement you see through any window in the house.

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Now you are fully prepared for pet adoption!

Just don’t forget your checkbook, phonebook for references, and be sure to clean your house for the ‘inspectors’.

Enjoy Fee-fee or Fido or Spike or Daisy….you get the point!

I am also thrilled and somewhat shocked that my kitchen was featured on REMODELAHOLIC this weekend.  Yay!  If you’d like to check it out, click HERE.  Thank you Remodelaholic!

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8 thoughts on “Considering Adoption? Plan Your Family!

  1. Pingback: I said THAT? 2010 Blog Recap | the domestic fringe

  2. Jenn Calling Home

    Thanks for the reminder of why I don’t want to add another family member (canine). And thanks for visiting again. I think you’ve done a great job with your makeovers and I love the colors (Seussville or not!). I’ve actually considered doing my living room in those colors since I painted one of the walls red last year and I’m tired of what’s in there now (which has been that way for 15 years!). But by the time I get around to it I’ll probably be into some other color scheme.

    By the way, my winning streak continued last week when I won 4 CDs from an Air 1 radio contest. Hey, if I can’t find a job, at least I can win things. : ) Blessings!

    Reply
  3. robinaltman

    That is very good advice. Any advice for preparing for a bearded dragon? Fill your house with crickets and chase them around? Bite yourself with sharp teeth? I want to look ahead.

    Reply
  4. Patti

    Oh, I really love you now. Our Laura was picked in much the same way. Hubby has forbidden me to set foot in the Humane Society headquarters, however. One dog with no fence and crotchety old folks is enough!!!!

    Kiss your new baby for me.

    Reply

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