Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the thinnest girl of all?”

The day I lost my skinny mirror, my life shattered.

Ok, maybe that’s a tad exaggerated, but STILL!

Once, my mirror reflected my lumps and bumps as straight lines and smooth surfaces.  I loved this mirror almost as much as I loved my shaper pantyhose.  During certain ghastly times when I was feeling bloated, I’d run upstairs and sneak a glance.  Even my fat outfits would look slim-lined in this mirror.

My family knew this was mommy’s mirror, a treasure to be guarded.  If ever there were a fire, someone else had better grab the scrapbooks, because one of my arms would carry a child and the other, my mirror.

Each day I would leave the house full of confidence and with an air of pride.  I was looking good, and I knew it.  My beloved mirror would never lie.

Until one day I offered to redesign my church’s boring nursery.  The toddler’s were screaming, because of the lack of color, texture, and toys.  With help from a friend, I hung orange and white checkered curtains, plastered bright and vibrant bugs all over the walls, decorated with puppets, and hung a mirror horizontally at a two year-old’s eye level.

Since I knew hanging anything with glass is tricky business, I recruited my husband to help.  His experience is vast, including chandeliers, outdoor lights, and my skinny mirror.  I never once considered that he could shatter the look of my hips with one swing of the hammer, but the unfortunate happened – the frame broke.  My husband looked to me and said, “Do you have another mirror?”

My head spun through the options…I could run to Wal-Mart, but I’m out of time and money…I could call everyone I know within a two-mile radius and see if they have a mirror…

“How about the mirror that is hanging in our bedroom?  We could trade it for this broken one.” My husband suggested, interrupting my thoughts.

I gasped.  My heart skipped a beat and my hand came automatically to my mouth.

“Not my skinny mirror.” I pleaded.

After my husband made me feel the guilt of breaking ten children’s hearts, I sacrificed my mirror on the altar of poopy diapers.  I am convinced not one of those two-year old’s appreciates seeing his thin face as much as I did seeing my thin hips.

I lost my skinny mirror and that is why I am on a diet.

That is why I am hungry.

That is why I am cranky.

Quick, somebody get me a new mirror!

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26 thoughts on “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

  1. Pingback: I am Versatile…I Think That’s Good « the domestic fringe

  2. Pingback: I said THAT? 2010 Blog Recap | the domestic fringe

  3. Meredith

    Hey FringeGirl! Loved this post, but I’m sorry to hear about your skinny mirror. 😦 You are so selfless to let those kiddos use it. Thanks for stopping by and weighing in on our dining room curtains the other day. Welcome back anytime!

    Reply
  4. thelumberjackswife

    Ha! That was a funny post! If you take any mirror and kind of lean it tilted against the wall, you look thinner.

    Reply
  5. Patti

    This post is a comical version of the Picture of Dorian Gray.

    Sigh. At my age, you just give it all up. It’s nice!

    Blessings,
    Patti

    Reply
  6. Mom

    Mirror, mirror on the wall
    Who’s the thinnest of us all?
    Tricia, Tricia on a diet,
    When you’re done you will like it!

    Reply
  7. polwig

    You can just forget the mirror and go by the “if the pants fit” routine. If they don’t you gotta loose a couple.

    P.S. I like the new look

    Reply
  8. Charming's Mama

    Oh I give up. I’m never going to be what the world thinks I should be and I’ve made peace with it. I no longer believe that any photo in any magazine hasn’t in some way been altered to make the subject look better.

    Reply
  9. Lois Lane II

    I have a similar problem with tanning. I don’t mind being as pale as a sheet, but when I go to my parents’ house, their bathroom lighting is Ah-MAZ-ing. I look dark and sleek. LOVE it. Then I go back to my house and see that I’m actually as white as the light bulbs themselves…

    Reply
  10. Sara

    Yes!! Skinny mirrors are wonderful! I’m with you on the diet. I do wonderfully all day and then get home and totally pig out because I’m so hungry from eating fruits and veggies all day!! Sometimes, I just need a potato chip! 🙂

    Reply
  11. ImBeingHeldHostage

    I’ve NEVER owned a skinny mirror…or skinny glass or skinny reflection paint (for my car). I’m crushed that I didn’t know about these sooner. Eat something and then go buy yourself Photoshop. Photoshop fixes everything.

    Reply
  12. Jessica Benzakein

    Love it! I think not only do I need a mirror like that but I need someone to carry it around wherever I go… OR for all store fronts to be required to make their windows out of skinny mirror because NOTHING shatters the skinny mirror myth like seeing yourself in a store-front window.

    PS Love the polka dots! (Hope that doesn’t indicate how long it’s been since I stopped by but if it does, then please know that I wasn’t reading anyone else’s blog either and yours is the first one I visited today… and probably the last since baby girl just woke up.)

    Reply
  13. LeAnn

    You are definitely the “Erma Bombeck” of blogland!!! I so much enjoy your daily musings and I love seeing what you are up to!

    xo
    LeAnn

    Reply
  14. Debra

    That mirror sounds fantastic! Hang in there, you can do it! The grouchiness will pass and so will all those pounds. I won’t post pictures of my black and white cookie and cheesecakes from my trip. ( I lie) 🙂

    Reply
  15. MissCaron

    I have one of those! Actually, I just take a regular cheap-o mirror and lean it against the wall. It gives the same effect… I seriously couldn’t live without it!

    Reply
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