Living in The Shadows

Do you ever feel like you’re living as a mere shadow of yourself, of the life God intended and created you to live?

That thought has been working itself around in my head for the last couple of weeks.  I’m thick as a brick most of the time, and if God wants to get an idea or truth in deep, it takes time.  My “ah-ha” moments are usually slow in coming, requiring lesson after endless teaching lesson.

I know God wants us to live victoriously.  His Word says that “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”  (Jn. 10:10)  Abundant means plentiful, fully sufficient, in great quantity, overflowing with.  I know that far too often I live in the shadows of circumstances, relationships, feelings, and especially hormones, and let me tell you something.  Living in the shadow of female hormones is not abundant living.

FringeMan would certainly agree.

This weekend I had several hours alone, and of course my mind went back to the idea of abundant living.  You see, I was laying in a hospital bed for several hours watching my heart do strange things on the monitor, while feeling the flip-flops in my chest.  The bell on the heart monitor rang out in an incessant alert, and as I looked up to the screen, I thought of how strange it would be to watch yourself die on the monitor.  I looked up at the nurse who was watching me intently from behind her desk, and with the slightest of nods, she confirmed what I already knew.  I was still alive.

Being alive isn’t enough.  I long to be abundantly alive.  I don’t want to ever doubt that my heart is pumping or that blood is coursing through my veins.  I want to be filled to the over-flowing with life, because I really think that is the way God intended for us to live.  Existence is not enough.

When I quit living abundantly, it’s usually because my focus is in the wrong the place.  I’m spending more time looking at myself and my little corner of the world, than I am looking in His Word or toward the cross.  There’s never a reason for me not to be so full of life that it’s pouring from my being.  After all, it is my Father in heaven who hung the stars in the sky, placed the fish in the sea, and made the flowers to bloom.  It is He who defeated death on the cross, and gave me air to breathe.  He cares about the details of my life.

It’s ironic that I have no problem trusting God with my eternity, but sometimes it’s a fierce battle to trust Him with my Monday morning.

Psalms 57:7-11  My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise.  Awake up, my glory; awake, psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth.

I don’t know about you, but I’m fixing my heart on the Lord and living the abundant life.  Life is too short to live any other way

Happy Monday!

PS. Thank you to each of you who have prayed for baby Jayda. She is home and doing well.


18 thoughts on “Living in The Shadows

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  6. Sara

    So beautiful! Love that “I can trust God with my eternal life but not my Monday morning!” How true is that!! Ms. Fringe, this is powerful stuff!!

  7. Mom

    I know the feeling. My eternal life is in God’s hands, yet I struggle with letting Him care for the daily things in my life. It has taken me many years in this Christian walk to allow myself to trust God more and more. Because of that, I have missed out on so many peaceful years and blessings He wanted to shower down on me.

  8. Cathy

    “It’s ironic that I have no problem trusting God with my eternity, but sometimes it’s a fierce battle to trust Him with my Monday morning.”
    This statement is oh so true! I printed it out to remind me to keep trusting. Check my post if you haven’t. It goes along with yours.

  9. caprik

    I love that song.
    Sigh. I feel like this entire year I have been walking through jello. Coasting. Neither in the pit of despair, OR abundantly living. Existing is a pale shadow of the life Jesus intended. I need to pursue it, intentionally.

    I hope you are feeling better. I smell a post in there!

  10. Jill

    I’m so sorry you were in the hospital and alone, but thank you for the challenge and encouragement in this post. It’s easy to slip into the “just maintaining” mode instead of the abundant life He wants us to have.

  11. robinaltman

    Feel better FringeGirl! Sending well wishes your way! That sounds like a scary experience. Every time I’ve been in a hospital I’ve felt really vulnerable. Watching that monitor – no fun.

  12. Laura

    Hey FringeGirl,
    thanks for such honest self-examination, it makes me do the same. I’ve been struggling with being ‘a profitable servant’, someone who is listening and doing what God wants, a servant who is not getting in the way of what God wants done. I want Him to see me in my little spot in the world and know that I am being obedient to whatever big or small he wants me to do or not do. I believe obedience is directly related to living abundantly, to being full of His joy, no matter what the situation. Your comment about Monday mornings is so true. I can make these grand declarations of faith, but when I’m tried and grumpy to my husband on the way to work in the morning, how does that show God’s love? When I’d rather hit the snooze than get up and read His word it shows how far I still need to go. If a celebrity was gonna be in town I would be up at the crack of dawn to get a glimpse, yet the creator of the universe wants me to spend time with him and I can’t be bothered?
    Anyway, all this to say, thanks for being honest and open. I’m excited by what God is doing and going to do in your life. Thanks for being obedient and sharing His light in blogland.
    The journey continues!

  13. Debra

    Thank you so much for this post. You are talking to me. Even if I just get up earlier in the morning I would certainly have a more abundant day.
    Hope all is well with you. Why were you hooked up to a monitor? 🙂 Take care.

  14. Mikki

    BEAUTIFUL post!
    I have been battling with knowing that my family and I are on a new path that God has led us on, but I’ve been wanting to stay on the old path. Following after God can be difficult at times, but I know He always has an ABUNDANT life planned for me.. if I just let go and follow..


  15. Cindy

    I love “thick as a brick”. As someone with Lupus and Fibromyalgia, I can relate. I’ve also been in that hospital bed, but with me it was the oxygen monitor being watched, and listened to when I wasn’t taking in enough oxygen. It’s scary to watch your life “blipping” on the monitor.

    Sending loving thoughts and prayers your way,
    Sidetracked Artist and Wheatless Foodie


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