“Come on sick-o. Let’s get you upstairs!” My nurse instructed while rolling a wheelchair into my room.
I hate that hospitals have a ‘no-walking’ policy. It’s like they force you to succumb to sickness, taking away your fight and right to drag yourself along the sterile hallways. That is exactly why I walked up to my delivery room when I was bursting with child and being crumbled with labor pains. I would not be defeated, but I have since learned hospital policies do not bend, no matter how convincing you are. They are the iron that supports the weight of a speedy recovery.
I plopped myself into the chair, allowing the nurse to dump my few belongings into my lap. “Can I take my warm blanket?”
I guess I feared a night in the hospital might be as chilly as a night in my house, but I was wrong. They use heat. So with my once-warmed blanket draped over my shoulders, my papers in hand, and my purse on my lap, my male nurse wheeled me out of my room. Feeling like an old woman in my wheelchair (Alzheimer’s runs in my family), I muttered, “I may be a sick-o, but at least I’m not crazy yet.”
My nurse heard. They always do. They are trained to hear and remember everything except your request for a potty break. Somehow they forget to disconnect you from all the machines until your bladder nearly bursts. My pride would not have recovered if I found myself in a wheelchair wearing a diaper.
At my back I heard, “Oh crazy… Are you a threat to yourself or others?”
“Others of course!” I responded with confidence and without hesitation, not particularly enjoying the idea of self-inflicted pain.
A set of ears behind the central desk heard, and chimed in her two-cents.
“Then you must be naked!” The young girl in scrubs exclaimed.
“What? You’re joking right?” I asked with hope.
Unfortunately crazy people must be nude in the emergency room. It is another policy. Here I was worried about being in a wheelchair and needing Depends. Little did I know that I could have made the trip upstairs buck naked.
I slept in my jeans and hospital gown. Just to be safe.
Always watch what you say. Don’t let your crazy out unless you are certain those around you will let you keep your clothes on.
It’s my advice for today.