Conversations Where I end up in Jail

My son walked into the kitchen this morning and exclaimed, “I think I know enough to quit school.”

While stirring dark chocolate creamer into my coffee, I mumbled something about it being against the law to quit school when you’re ten.  When it comes to my kids, I like to make other people the bad guys.

It’s the law.

The school district says you need to do twenty-five pages of times tables this week.

No we can’t have today off, New York State says we need to be in school for 180 days.

And it goes on this way, because it’s bad enough I am the mean guy when it comes to mothering.  I don’t want to be the bad guy for school too!

Because my son never drops a subject easily, he continued, “So if I dropped out of school, what would happen?”

I’d go to jail for educational neglect.

“Educational neglect?”  He says like it’s the stupidest explanation he’s ever heard, aside from butt r0ots.

For the record, I didn’t make up the term ‘educational neglect’.  I read it in the newspapers once.  A homeschooling family in New York didn’t properly register with the state, sending in their quarterly reports and all.  After being ratted on, the kids were removed from the home and put into foster care, and they were up on charges of educational neglect.  Before that, I didn’t know it existed.

I’m never late with my paperwork.

“So if I run away before I drop out of school, will you still go to jail?”

He’s like a pit-bull with a raw steak.

Wondering how I even get myself into these stupid conversations, I said, “If you run away because I gave you too many sciences assignments this week, I will surely go to jail.”

My daughter looked up from toasting a frozen waffle, pooched out her lip and said, “I hope I get a good foster family.”

And suddenly my kids were imagining a home with Oreo cookies constantly stocked in the pantry.  I could already see that in their little minds, they were playing Wii at two o’clock in the morning in someone else’s house.

I give up!

I’m going to a foster family for a few days.

See ya.


16 thoughts on “Conversations Where I end up in Jail

  1. Pingback: 2011 in Review: Something from Every Category « the domestic fringe

  2. patti

    OOOH, this was soooo fun! Your kids are as fun as your blog posts! Um, you may not see them as fun now, but you will in, um, a decade:)

    Love you, girl. You go.

    Also love the new colors!!!

  3. Sara

    I saw that someone said you’ve got a lawyer on your hands. I’d say either that or a politician. This is too much!!

    We always think we have the perfect arguments until we realize that we’ve raised rational beings capable of thinking on their own!!

  4. Laura

    I guess school just by its very nature sucks.

    I used to have to walk to the end of a 250′ driveway, rain or snow to wait for the bus. It took 2 buses to get to school. Put up with obnoxious kids, potential bullies, gross bathrooms, cafeterias, etc. and I survived.
    I think Fringeboy can shine it on a little longer.

    PS, I’d give him extra homework for planning his mother’s incarceration 😉

  5. Jill

    I would tell my kids horror stories about what would happen to them in such cases. But I can’t repeat those horror stories here because then I might be reported, and I’m pretty sure that would be neglect or torture or some such thing. I figure they put me through labor, so we’re even.

  6. Charming's Mama

    Ah, FringeGirl you make me laugh. My mama used to always tell us we could run away as long as we never crossed the street. After we’d gone around the block we were ready to be home again.

  7. Debra

    My younger daughter thought foster homes were the place to be at that age too! I told her to give them a call and she chickened out. 😉


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