My Husband Didn’t Marry An Ax Murderer

Mousecapades – Part One

When it comes to rodents, I don’t have a heart.  I know some of you catch and release, but quite frankly, the only way I want to see a mouse is dead.

Yes, I am evil.  Yes, I can be a little more humane.  Yes, I can see my need to be good to the mouse.

But I want the little sucker dead!

And can I speak to trap manufacturer’s for a quick second?

Glue is for school projects and broken glasses, NOT for rat traps.

I hate to admit this.  It’s not for the faint of heart, bleeding of heart, and definitely not for the ears of an animal rights activist.  Though Cats would probably applaud.

Consider yourself warned.

I once caught a mouse in a glue trap.  I pulled up a chair and watched its long tail struggle.  What do you do with a live mouse stuck on a pad of glue?

I definitely wasn’t touching the trap while he was alive.  The thought of letting him struggle for another eight hours until FringeMan returned made me a little weak in the knees.  As far as my limited experience with rodents could tell, there was only one thing to do – Kill the Varmint!

My husband didn’t marry an ax murderer and killing a mouse is a little different from killing a spider.  I have my limitations.  I won’t wear a shoe with mouse guts splattered on it!  I had no idea how to kill this mouse.

A hammer?  Too Ted Bundy.

A knife?  Too Jack the Ripper.

Suffocation?  Not with my pillow!

The shotgun?  Too Tim the Tool Man Taylor

I settled on Windex.

Shame welled up and flowed through my fingers as I typed W I N D E X.  I’m not proud, but please understand, I couldn’t sit and watch it suffer.  I may not have a bleeding heart, but it still beats.  There should be an extra warning label on bottles of glass cleaner – CAN BE HARMFUL TO RATS, MICE, & OTHER SMALL RODENTS.

You see why I am against glue, don’t you?

We didn’t use glue this time.  We used an honest-to-goodness, old-fashioned, break-their-neck trap.  FringeMan filled it with peanut butter and set it next to the mouse freeway, running directly behind my trash can and under my kitchen sink.

For three days I waited for the ominous CLICK.  Nothing.

This afternoon, I was standing at the counter doing something important like reading a blog when I heard a scratching sound.  At first, I figured it was the kids raking their pencil across a page, but I think I remembered, We Have A Mouse!  Turning quietly I spun on my heel and caught the little mighty mouse eating the peanut butter.  On the trap.  No click.  No snap.  No broken neck.

I did what any self-respecting blogger would do, I turned in search of my camera.  So FringeMan will know I’m telling the truth about the roving rat, I took a picture.  Sadly it came out a little dark.  The lighting isn’t so good under my counter, behind the trash, but that mouse just ignored me.  Imagine!  Now I’m not only skeeved because I have a mouse, but I’m getting downright angry.

He’s going to push me to use glue!

It’s not bad enough that we are basically giving our house guest free high-protein meals (he’s not allergic to peanuts thank God), but then I find out my daughter has been feeding him.  She leaves him Cheerios.  Sure enough two little O’s sit next to my front door welcoming every rodent on the block.

We are hospitable that way.

Game on!


22 thoughts on “My Husband Didn’t Marry An Ax Murderer

  1. Pingback: Odd Meets Absurd | the domestic fringe

  2. Pingback: 2011 in Review: Something from Every Category « the domestic fringe

  3. blogjeans

    This is some advise about the ultimate mouse trap. Put a razor blade with the sharp side up, a slice of cheese at one end and a slice o ham at the other end… The mouse will come, put it’s neck on the blade and move left and right, trying to decide “shall I eat ham, shall I eat cheese”… this way it’s neck will end-up cut. I am using an even better trap… only the blade, the mouse comes and with the neck on the blade wonders “where is the cheese, where is the ham?”. The result is the same as while it was making decisions. Good Luck!

  4. Jennifer Jo

    Great story!

    Have you tried Death By A Flip-Flop yet? It works great. Just whip off your flip-flop and wing it as hard as you can. Such a power rush, too. (I may have made some victory muscles and roared.)

  5. Expressmom

    I was totally entertained reading your whole story, but when you wrote:
    ……I find out my daughter has been feeding him. She leaves him Cheerios ……

    I nearly choked to death on my toast! RFLMAO! HIlarious!!!

  6. Dawn

    I have seen those glue traps and always wondered what the heck I’d do with the mouse when it got stuck there. EWWW. Give me the old spring traps any day!

  7. Sara

    My dad and I found a mouse in a glue trap once. I didn’t have the heart to kill it, so we put it in a cooler and took it out to a field and let him go. He ran off, glue trap and all. I’m not sure how far he made it. It probably would have been more humane to Windex him.

    By the way, love your travel idea. Sounds like a great little indie film! 🙂

  8. Chris Jones

    Ahhhh, quit your whining. You ain’t lived until you’ve had a wild weasel loose in your living room. By the way, they love honey garlic chicken.

  9. Jill

    I think your use of Windex was brilliant! Much better than a shoe or a hammer. (What a mess!) And why get a trap if it’s not going to do the whole job of catching AND killing the mouse?!? Just like snakes, the only good mouse is a dead one!

  10. Hat Chick

    As always, you are funny and informative. First picture….ewww! Second picture…funny! I have never heard of using Windex?! Does Windex drown them? Gas them? Poison them?

  11. kadja2

    I use the traps they cannot get out of, take them a few miles out and release them. I don’t like them in my house, but I cannot kill them, either. I used to have a pet white mouse…Named him “Brutus”. When I was a kid growing up in a rotten environment, I had one that used to come up through the vent in my room–and I trained him to take PB cracker pieces from my hand. I called him Tiberius.

  12. marytoo

    This just gives me the creeps. My bil caught a mouse on one of those glue things once. It had its foot stuck, and it was screaming bloody murder. There’s no way to unstick them, should you be inclined to do so, and the instructions don’t give you a clue what you are supposed to do with a crying mouse stuck on a glue pad. Anyway, even if you could get him loose, what???? Turn him loose? That seems kinda counterproductive.

    P.S.I think bil had to take it outside and bludgeon it or something… :-/

  13. Debra

    That photo of the mouse in the bread is gross! 😉 Your daughter sounds like mine. Don’t hurt any kind of critter ever. Not me, I hate those dratted mice. 🙂

  14. Jenn

    Ha ha ha!!! Good for Annaliese!! Although I’m right there with you with the little critters. I’ve picked them up and flushed them. Feel bad about them getting caught in traps, but it’s them or me. I’ve even tried talking dad into letting me have another cat. (That didn’t work though – BUMMER!!!)
    My favorite was the little guy who came and sat next to my knee on the couch. Unfortunately for him, I caught him. He ended up being a flushing victim. Oh well! He invaded my territory.
    The downside, they are really cute!


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