Fiction Friday – 5th Edition – Not My Life

Today I decided to share something different.  I once had the idea of weaving truth with fiction and creating a novel about a woman married to a pastor who began secretly blogging her life.  I thought it would be a light, funny book; however, I soon discovered it had no plot.  Books need plots.  Also, mixing truth with fiction can only get me into trouble.  I had visions of an army full of church people hunting me down and burning me at the stake.

After only a few words, I scrapped the idea.  Today I am resurrecting my few words and introducing you to the plotless and possibly unbelievable story of Patty, a minister’s wife who moves to a new town and begins blogging.  Her blog is called Not My Life.

***

March 13, 2012

Privacy is for confessionals and fitting rooms, not my life.

Just don’t tell my husband Jack I am blogging or he will accidentally leave my laptop under the left rear tire of his black Ford super-duty truck.

Although he likes the idea of me spending my words on poor unsuspecting readers, he thinks it’s tacky for the minister’s wife to spill her soul, especially when it will linger in the eternal limbo of cyberspace.

My name is Patty.  Jack is the new minister of Happy Valley Community Church.  We have two children, one dog, and a Jeep that may or may not take us where we want to go.  Life is coming up roses, but Poe (named after the poet) our Beagle/Dalmatian mix keeps digging them up.

Tom the mover just left.  He is the first of my husband’s new parishioner’s to come to the parsonage.

I named the parsonage Crazy Acres.  Our new house doesn’t actually sit on an acre of land, but Crazy Quarter-Acre doesn’t have the same ring.  This flaky old house is about to get a facelift, or at least face paint.

Tom offered to break the legs of any church member who refuses to sign the approval to paint the parsonage.  I believe Tom.  He has at least three hundred pounds supporting him.

Besides the chippy paint, the parsonage isn’t bad.  I mean not every minister’s wife welcomes guests through the front door and right into her bathroom.  I like to think of it not as a bathroom, but as a ‘toiler’ – part foyer and part home of the toilet.  You can’t really call it a bathroom, because there is no bath; however, it has the important accommodations, a toilet and a sink.  It’s simply unfortunate the front door opens almost directly into the toilet.

I suspect God is sitting on His throne looking down on my throne and chuckling.

Painting the old house is not high on my list of priorities.  I’d rather unpack; however, it’s important to the deacons, Ben and Larry.  They want us to feel comfortable in Happy Valley, so tonight is the big vote.  To buy or not to buy the paint, that is the question.  Of course, we’ll have the pleasure of wielding the brushes ourselves.

I’m quite the painter.  In high school I was known as Patty the Painter, only I used smaller brushes back then.  I didn’t actually paint many walls, but I painted plenty of eyelids, loads of eyelashes, and quite a few nails.

I do hope Larry and Ben let me pick the paint color.  Aqua is my favorite color.  Think of your swimming pool.  I’m not thinking of a late summer blue, but rather an early spring, shock the slime out of the pool bluish-green.  I can’t think of a better color for 191 Lansing Lane, Happy Valley, New York.

Remember, it’s Not My Life.

Patty

 ***

Welcome to the Fifth Edition of Fiction Friday!

So glad you’re here. It is my hope that many of you will join us by linking your fiction post. Please read many of the links and be generous in your comments.

Help us share the opportunity by grabbing a Fiction Friday Button and proudly displaying it on your blog. We’d also love a tweet or stumble or facebook share. Some of the most skilled, prolific writers are bloggers, so let’s help each other out. Thank You!

Fiction Friday with The Domestic Fringe
Fiction Friday with The Domestic Fringe

The rules are as follows:

  • Write fiction.
  • Provide a link back to my Fiction Friday post right here on The Domestic Fringe.
  • Add your specific URL to the green Mr. Linky
  • Read other blogger’s fiction and give some comment love.
  • Throw caution to the wind and take a chance.

Remember: Each of the linked works of fiction are original (Including my own!). They are not to be borrowed, copied, or reprinted in any way. Thank you for respecting each author’s original writing.

*****

Now it’s your turn.  Link up your fiction and we’ll come read!

Thanks for stopping by.  Hope you have a fantabulistic Friday! 🙂

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11 thoughts on “Fiction Friday – 5th Edition – Not My Life

  1. Pingback: Roxanne – The Symbol of My Love « the domestic fringe

  2. Pingback: NaNoWriMo: 50,000 in November « the domestic fringe

  3. chrissy

    Tricia, Tricia, Tricia…this is your nitch. Continue this. It made me laugh…on just this one page, I smiled a few times. I could picture this very serious debate-to buy or not to buy the paint…reminds me of so many different business meetings I’ve had to sit through…

    Reply
  4. momfog

    I want more! My MIL is a Baptist minister’s wife, I’m a deacon’s wife (gasp) and it’s an interesting life to be sure. Have you ever read any Father Tim novels by Jan Karon (?). This reminds me of those and that is a good thing!
    One little thing I noticed. The apostrophe in parishioners doesn’t belong. “He is the first of my husband’s new parishioner’s to come to the parsonage.”

    I’ve got nothing to post. Reality was too stingy with my time this week. I hope to have something next week!

    Reply
    1. the domestic fringe Post author

      Thanks for the edit! I should definitely be more careful before I hit ‘publish’. 🙂

      I never read the Father Tim novels. I’ll have to check if my library has them.

      Real life does get in the way of writing, doesn’t it. It’s like a big circle – if we didn’t have real life, we’d have nothing to write about; however, because we have real life, we have no time to write. What’s a girl to do?

      Reply
      1. momfog

        In my case, I just don’t sleep. It’s amazing what I can get done at 2 am. Of course, the next morning when I read what felt like genius the night before, I’m faced with what appears to be the ravings of a drunk madwoman. “Delete”

        Reply
  5. Karen

    Too funny! But I think it is funny because I can really really identify–as a minister’s wife in a small town, with an old house to live in.

    Funny too because someone once suggested we try to squeeze a downstairs toilet next to the stairs–directly across from the front door! Needless to say….

    Looking forward to more..

    Reply

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