I am writing this on location from Almost-Heaven, Virginia. It is Almost-Heaven because we are staying in a nice hotel. I think I want to live in this hotel, and a long-term lease may actually be semi-affordable. Or not. I have no idea, because we usually stay in places that promise to leave the light on for you, but never do. I sometimes doubt they even change the sheets or scrub the shower, but that is the kind of grossness I am blocking from my mind. Tonight, I am dwelling in the promise land.
There is an endless supply of coffee and ice-cold lemonade in the lobby, but that is not all. They have cookies. My family tells me I must try them, but I am stopping at three desserts today. I am on a diet after all, even if my middle name is not moderation.
I am looking at the basket of cookies right now and I am not even tempted. Well, maybe a little, but I’ll be strong. After all, I already spent time in the gym.
Yes, the hotel even has a gym and a television with cable TV. They also have a wall of mirrors, and although watching myself exercise is not on my bucket list, I will forgive them, because tomorrow morning they will make my bed and refresh my towels. Then they will make me breakfast.
It is a lovely life.
If you are wondering why I am so excited about four days of hotel living, it is because I am poor and possibly a tad ghetto, at least that is what people think when they see my car. The car did get us to Virginia though, and it is still purring like a stray cat in an alley fight. That should count for something, even if the front passenger door will no longer open from the outside or close from the inside. At least that window still rolls up and down, because the driver’s side window only rolls when it want to, and that is not often enough for our liking.
Ghetto car aside, we have four days to enjoy middle class living with the rest of America who does not live in my neighborhood.
I am going to party like it’s 1999. I am also going to use the treadmill and my kids are going to swim in the pool, and I am going to sit in the lobby and sip coffee or lemonade, depending on my mood and internal body temperature. Did I mention they have air-conditioning? Yes. They. Do.
But I am not going to eat the cookies.
You realize if this were Really-Heaven, Virginia and not Almost-Heaven, Virginia, the cookies would not have calories.