Sugar-Hoarding and Other Road Trip Stories

We’ve been on the road for what seems like a really long time, except it is more like almost two weeks going on twenty.  It is not a long time in a bad way, just in an I am not sure if I have any clean clothes and whose house are we sleeping in tonight kind of way.

We began our journey south with a cooler full of water, a giant waterproof black bag strapped to our roof, and a guitar in the trunk, because you never know when you’ll be stopped at a gas station and a hundred hot commuters will get the urge to sit around and sing Kumbaya.

Two weeks into our journey and already we’re leaving our mark south of the boarder. FringeMan’s sport coat and tie hang on a hook in a church in Virginia, our car sits in my in-law’s driveway, and the rest of earthly possessions, the ones that fit our car anyway, have exploded all over my aunt’s garage.  And, I am still looking for my book, the one I forgot to pack.

We drove to Maryland, spent a night at my cousin’s eating chicken wrapped in bacon and watching the fights.  I fell asleep in front of a television the size of my bed with surround-sound shaking the floors.  I didn’t mean to, but that is what happens when I wake up a two o’clock in the morning to drive state to state to state.

Then we drove to Virginia where we spent four days at a revival meeting my husband preached.  Virginia is a pretty place and Virginians make finger-lickin’ fried chicken and thick, cheesy macaroni.  I’m sure they make other things too, but the chicken is fresh on my mind.

We descended upon N.C. hot and hungry.  FringeMan’s aunt made us a feast, one at night and one in the morning.  I hate to say that my entire trip has revolved around food, but it has.  Let me take a moment to list the desserts I’ve gladly consumed while on our trip.

  • Chocolate Eclair Cake
  • Brownies with and without icing
  • Banana Pudding
  • Green Marshmallow Fluffy Stuff
  • Ice Cream with Hot Fudge and Whipped Cream
  • Soft and Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

I know it sounds like I am hoarding sweets, but I am only swimming in chocolate and running through brown sugar.  That’s not hoarding, not until I start filling my pockets.

The trip from North Carolina to Georgia made me feel like a snickers bar left out in the full sun of a Nevada desert, a little nutty and completely melted.  Traffic made driving on the highway seem like driving in a subdivision in one of Florida’s retirement communities.  We went about five miles an hour and it was a hundred and five degrees out.

When my daughter said, “I’m feeling a little sick”, we didn’t even take a moment to look back at her green face and sweaty forehead, we just pulled over.

Let me take a moment to remind you that we have no air-conditioning in our car.

A Moment Of Silence Please

Yes, it was like dying a slow death where all the water in your body soaks through your clothes three times and then evaporates until the only moisture left is in your left eyeball.

We smelled really, really bad.

And then we lost our breaks.  Pedal to the floor and no slow-downy kind of lost our breaks.  Praise God for His protection, because only a miracle and some fain-cy driving by FringeMan got us to my in-laws safely.  There is a hole in our break line.  If FringeMan doesn’t get it fixed by our trip home, we’ll look like a Flinstones cartoon, running the car down the road with the windows open and the wind blowing our hair all kinds of crazy.  Then we’ll stop with our bare feet and honk our prehistoric bird horn to clear the lane.

Now we’re in Atlanta.  We got here in my sister-in-law’s car, thank you Mary.  It has air-conditioning and breaks.  Every time we step into the vehicle we break out in song, hands flapping in the air and feet pounding up and down – Movin’ On Up…

Well we’re movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.

Fish don’t fry in the kitchen;
Beans don’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin’,
Just to get up that hill.
Now we’re up in the big leagues,
Gettin’ our turn at bat.
As long as we live, it’s you and me baby,
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.

Well we’re movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.

That’s the theme song from The Jeffersons.  You remember that show, don’t you?

We’re in Atlanta for a few more days and then heading back to my in-laws.  Then we are going back to North Carolina.  Our trip is getting longer and longer, and that can only mean one thing – More Desserts.

What is your most memorable road trip?


6 thoughts on “Sugar-Hoarding and Other Road Trip Stories

  1. ladyofthemanse

    I can identify. We have lived with no air-conditioning in the car almost all summer, and no anything when the alternator quit–including lights, brakes and steering. Anything with an electrical connection died. Fortunately for the careful driving of my husband we landed safely on a shoulder by the road. Happily it decided to die along a stretch of field without mailboxes!

  2. Missindeedy

    No air conditioning? I’m not sure I can get past that part of the description of your trip thus far. Word of Mercy, child! You deserve desserts, for crying out loud! All the sweating, though, surely is melting away any calories consumed in the eating of the desserts. Right??!!

  3. Bridgesburning Chris King

    A little nutty and completely melted..Love it! Sounds like an interesting and fun long as you can laugh at misfortune! I have had the brake thing happen in busy traffic and it was a pure sister and I sat paralyzed as the hand of God steered that car to a safe stop. A very moving pun intended. 🙂

  4. Deb

    I think food is the highlight of any trip, don’t you?? 😉 I hope you can get your brakes fixed before you go home. You’re in my prayers.


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