I have loved popcorn for as long as I can remember, and when I say love, I mean an arrow shoots me through the heart and causes me to salivate every time I smell a kernel go pop. Butter makes it extra yummy-delicious.
When we were kids, my mom had one of those groovy air poppers, but that must have died a good thirty years ago. Then the microwave was introduced and has been filling us with cancer, one quick reheat at a time. I thought microwave popcorn was the best invention since the automobile, but recently I read that the chemical butter flavor leads to Alzheimer’s disease.
In my family all kinds of things lead to the old-age crazies, not just chemically engineered butter, so I try to avoid known triggers – long lines in the grocery store, whining children, bad drivers, the woman who pops her gum in church for a full twenty minutes, and the cashier that asks me if I really want to use the coupon I just handed her.
No, not really. Those things do not lead to old-age crazies, they lead to young-age crazies.
Anyway, I should cite the article that said microwave popcorn butter is bad, but that would take more effort than I can muster at eleven-fifteen p.m. You see my son built a bonfire in the metal outdoor fireplace thingy he plucked out of someone’s trash last night and now I smell like smoke and have residue from burned marshmallows on my lips. I just cannot be bothered finding articles that say chemicals kill you. It’s no surprise really. Now, is it?
I am here to share a secret.
No more bad fake butter.
No more expensive bagged popcorn.
You can make microwave popcorn yourself!
All you need is a paper bag (the kind we old people packed our school lunch in), some kernels of popcorn, and a microwave. So stinking simple!!!
I should have thought of it a long time ago, but I am just not that smart.
Last night my son was begging me to make brownies. The boxes of mix were on sale last week for a dollar, so I did what any good penny-pinching, chocolate loving mother would do, I stocked up. Here’s the thing though, I am on a diet. Still. And if I made the brownies, I would have to be on a diet until next year. Not cool.
So I got an idea. I was sure I once read, probably on the back of a cereal box, that you could pop regular popcorn in the microwave. I dug in the back of the cabinets and produced a container with a few kernels left, just enough.
We sprinkled a couple of tablespoons (I don’t know how much) into a paper bag and folded it up. Then we stuck it in the microwave for a few minutes, until all the popping stopped, and we got microwave popcorn!
It worked perfectly!
We just sprinkled a little salt on it and ate up. Well, we may have melted a teaspoon of butter too, but it was butter from a cow and not from a chemical factory. That’s gotta count for something.
Hello, you’re supposed to be agreeing with me!