31 Days of Living by Faith, Day 13 – Even When It’s Hard

Hey friends, FringeGirl here.

Some days I do really dumb things.  I wish I did not, and I honestly try to limit how much dumb I inject into each day, but some days are better than others.  Today is a particularly dumb day for me.

You may have noticed that we have a guest, The Illiterate Author.  Early this morning I published half of her article.

HALF.

That was a really dumb thing.  Here is her complete article and it’s more than worth a read.  I apologize for my mistake and I hope you will take a minute to read the full story.

Welcome Alissa.

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Living by Faith—Even When It’s Hard

By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. ~Hebrews 11: 8

I wish I could tell you I’ve always had faith to move the mountains.

I wish I could tell you I’d never questioned God’s sovereignty and His love for me.

Unfortunately, that’s not my story.

Although my dad retired from the army when I was three, we never retired from moving every few years. The longest I’ve ever lived anywhere is five years, and as a child, the constant moves took their toll. I’ve always felt things too deeply, and each move was a personal crisis for me. I was shy, making friends was never easy, and leaving friends was even harder.

So, when my dad announced just before my sophomore year of high school that he was being transferred from Maine to Vermont, I was devastated.  The move to Maine had been rough for me, but after five years, I was finally settling in, had a close group of friends, and no longer felt like an outsider. I had not fit in easily, and doubted it would go smoother in a new school.

I could say I was angry, but that doesn’t seem like a strong enough word for my emotions at the time. I was whatever you get when you mix anger, resentment, fear, and a generous dose of panic.

I knew it wasn’t fair, but I was furious with my father. Couldn’t he have found another job? People switched jobs all the time, and I convinced myself that if he really loved me, he’d at least try. But as angry as I was with my dad, I was even angrier with God.

I begged and pleaded with Him to keep us in Maine, to miraculously keep the branch open or have a new job fall into my dad’s lap. But for all my pleading, the moving truck still came, and my parents still enrolled me in a new school.

Another move represented everything I didn’t want to happen in my life. It was a crisis of faith for me, not just in God’s plan for me, but in God Himself.

Like Abraham, God was calling me out of my comfort zone, but I was NOT willing to follow.

I wish I could tell you I quickly snapped out of it, realized that my dad and God both loved me, and made a ton of friends right away. But I have a stubborn soul, and I nursed the hurt like a dog licking its wounds. Each day was a struggle, a battle between what I wanted and what was reality.

But as time progressed, strange things started happening. Slowly, the strangers in the halls at school became familiar faces, and finally, friends. My unfamiliar bedroom started to feel a bit like home.  My heart softened, and I made peace with my father and my God. And the boy I loved to joke with in study hall became my best friend.

More than my best friend.

Sometimes I wonder, if we’d never left, would I have ever met the boy with the kind eyes and eventually become his wife?

I doubt it.

God in his plan knew what my heart needed, even though I didn’t. He knew where to take me, although I fought it. I’m happy to tell you that through my unbelief, God created belief.

I can’t help but wish though, that I’d had the faith to believe in God’s plan for me to begin with. How much heartache and anger could have been avoided if I’d only had the faith to believe?

Right now, my husband and I have a lot up in the air, and I’m constantly tempted to doubt God’s plan, to abandon faith and try my own path. This time around though, I’m clinging to Him and His promises—that He loves me. He’s sovereign.  He’s planned out all my tomorrows, for His glory and my good. He’s proved he won’t fail me, even when the way is hard.

He won’t fail you either.

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. ~ Hebrews 11: 13

What is God asking you to trust Him with?

 

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Hey, friend! Glad to meet you!

I’m Alissa, and I blog over at The Illiterate Author, where I ramble about books I love, DIY projects I’ve tried, my pet hedgehog, and living in the beautiful (and weird) state of Vermont. I’m a child of the King, and a lover of people. I graduated with a degree in writing about a year ago, and have been married to my high school sweet heart for two. Right now I’m working for a small publishing company while I figure out what I want to do when I’m all grown up.

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6 thoughts on “31 Days of Living by Faith, Day 13 – Even When It’s Hard

  1. Amy

    Oh, Alissa! You know this move has been hard, but today has been REALLY hard. I needed this. My faith is so weak right now. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that God has a plan. Miss you!

    Reply
  2. Missindeedy

    Oh, Alissa, I loved this piece of writing from you. Girl, my heart breaks for the feelings that tumbled around in you at that tender time in your life. But. But! Look at the “beauty from the ashes” of your moving, if you will? Your faith was tested and it not only survived, it thrived! I’m so glad you wrote this and shared it with us.

    Reply

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